As another investment bank head throws in the towel, another set of investment banking inspired lyrics begin dancing in front of your eyes, sung to the tune of "I Will Survive", but from that vey embattled CEO's point of view.
First I was Chief counsel,
And then the CEO,
I pinned red umbrellas in my suit,
But the shares they moved so slow,
Investment banking was doing well,
ECM made cash to burn,
I was riding the financial markets,
Hoping there’ll be no downturn,
And then the dance,
Began to slow,
All the hedge funds pulled their cash,
nd the institutions began to follow,
And now my share price is in the pits,
Massive writeoffs are what I see,
I don’t want no shareholders,
Can’t they just stop bothering me?!?
They say “go on now go”, “walk out the door”,
“Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore”
“ Weren't you the one who tried to stick to the strategy,
That read that if you get advised by us, we’ll throw some debt in there for free”
I should have split the firm apart,
I should have sold it bit by bit,
Like all the analysts told me,
Now it’s all just gone to shit,
At least I’ve got my options when I leave,
Although they don’t amount to much today,
But once I’m gone the price will soar,
And I’ll get my sky high pay day.
Just out of curiosity, how many of you monkeys and monkeyettes out there recognise the CEO and firm in questiosn. Drop the monkey a comment to have your say!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The poetry of investment banking
It's late at night, you're in a cab on your way home and you are paging through you schooldays companion, a book of poetry that reminds you that there are people that have more to say that the overvalued manufacturing arm of the nation's largest conglomerate. As you page through the book, your financial overload of the day metamorphosizes with the words on the page. Before you know it, you are reading Robert Burns' A Red Red Rose and instead of the original verses, a strange collection of the event of the day seems to be lurking between the lines, as if the chief executive of one of the investment banks were himself reading these verses and narrating his view of the world through this beautiful medium.
O my firm is like a pot of gold,
With plenty of cash to spare;
A lawsuit here, a settlement there,
The balance sheet has more to spare.
Those multi -million settlements,
Are peanuts for the house of Merill;
Lose one or two, you lose a few,
But eight billion is cause for peril.
Our balance sheet was hit real bad,
Our investor’s confidence was shaken;
But such is the strength of the Merill name,
And my options were still there to be taken.
Farewell my underling, farewell!
For I will certainly do!
I’m off to retire with my $160 mil,
And wish the best of luck to you.
O my firm is like a pot of gold,
With plenty of cash to spare;
A lawsuit here, a settlement there,
The balance sheet has more to spare.
Those multi -million settlements,
Are peanuts for the house of Merill;
Lose one or two, you lose a few,
But eight billion is cause for peril.
Our balance sheet was hit real bad,
Our investor’s confidence was shaken;
But such is the strength of the Merill name,
And my options were still there to be taken.
Farewell my underling, farewell!
For I will certainly do!
I’m off to retire with my $160 mil,
And wish the best of luck to you.
