The Kruelberg Kretin Saga XIV – Blunderstone calls back

Friday, May 18, 2007

The Kruelberg Kretin Saga XIV – Blunderstone calls back

Your mobile phone rings. Withheld number. You cautiously pick it up.


There is a brief silence, before you hear the unmistakeable voice of Pete Anderson from Blunderstone.

“Hi, it’s Pete from Blunderstone. Can you talk?”

Wow! Blunderstone. Not calling through a headhunter. Calling you direct. This is it. They want to give you an offer. They’re gonna do it on the spot. You know it. You can feel it. There’s a good reason Frank fucking Johnson lost that deal. It was so that Blunderstone can get it and on that high note, hire you to look after the company for them. What a day! Pete Anderson!


You fire back with the enthusiasm of a five year old who’s about to unwrap its birthday present.

“I’m afraid I don’t have any positive news for you. I wanted to call you in person because you really made a good impression, but we’ve decided to fill in the position with someone with more experience in private equity. We’ve hired a guy from Kruelberg Kretin, who worked on the transaction we announced today. He was so disgruntled working for some prick called Frank Johnson who led the deal at Kruelberg, that he was willing to accept much less favourable employment terms than you. You’re a good guy, and I like you, but this poor guy was willing to do anything to get out of Kruelberg.”

Frank fucking Johnson. You’ve done it again you #@%!*$$£~#.


Anonymous said...

IBD Monkey, you write well. I just got the same call from a top tier BB, they had filled a position internally. I'm still licking my wounds. I wonder, did you lose sleep like I did? Man, I am so disappointed. 7 rounds with MDs, all positive feedback.

Investment Banking Monkey said...

Lose sleep? Man, to lose sleep, you need to have the theoretical chance of getting sleep, and since I've been trained to think that sleep is for wimps (just like lunch), how can i lose something that I never have :)

Dude, it's tough. Seriously tough. But like the song goes... I will survive, as long as I know how to model i know I'll stay alive, I've got all those comps to do and all those pitchbooks to update, but I'll survive!

7 rounds though. That is harsh. Whichever BB that was (sounds like gs to me) that was seriously harsh.

Anonymous said...

I'm enjoying your posts, just finished reading thru the Kruelberg Saga. Keep it up. Can't say I'm putting in those kind of hours, but then again I'm not in I-Banking (and not sure I want to be!).

Investment Banking Monkey said...

@~ canadianfiannce - you totally don't want to be doing these hors. nobody does :) glad youre enjoying the posts.