The poetry of investment banking

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The poetry of investment banking

It's late at night, you're in a cab on your way home and you are paging through you schooldays companion, a book of poetry that reminds you that there are people that have more to say that the overvalued manufacturing arm of the nation's largest conglomerate. As you page through the book, your financial overload of the day metamorphosizes with the words on the page. Before you know it, you are reading Robert Burns' A Red Red Rose and instead of the original verses, a strange collection of the event of the day seems to be lurking between the lines, as if the chief executive of one of the investment banks were himself reading these verses and narrating his view of the world through this beautiful medium.

O my firm is like a pot of gold,
With plenty of cash to spare;
A lawsuit here, a settlement there,
The balance sheet has more to spare.
Those multi -million settlements,
Are peanuts for the house of Merill;
Lose one or two, you lose a few,
But eight billion is cause for peril.
Our balance sheet was hit real bad,
Our investor’s confidence was shaken;
But such is the strength of the Merill name,
And my options were still there to be taken.
Farewell my underling, farewell!
For I will certainly do!
I’m off to retire with my $160 mil,
And wish the best of luck to you.

5 comments:

Jenny said...

ibd monkey

i am impressed that in between your hours and financial overload you still had enough creative juice left to come up with something clever like that!

but you fell into the trap of thinking again you really must stop that. it's no good for the industry you're in.

Jenny (from Oz)

Investment Banking Monkey said...

@ Jenny - the monkey agrees. What was the monkey thinking (no pun intended)? If the monkey is ever to become an MD, or even reach partner, the monkey must learn how to not think at all!

kite said...

"You think too much and would not make a good investment banking analyst."

-- Priceless quote from former MD turned Headhunter to me, the ex-private equity analyst, and true enough, nobody from IBD has ever offered me a 2nd interview ...

Loan Modification guru said...

Wow I'm really impressed of that poem.. Can you also do something for love and relationships? hehehe

redbull said...

It's Merrill not Merill troll