Investment Banking Monkey - The All Nighter

It's late at night, you're in a cab on your way home and you are paging through you schooldays companion, a book of poetry that reminds you that there are people that have more to say that the overvalued manufacturing arm of the nation's largest conglomerate. As you page through the book, your financial overload of the day metamorphosizes with the words on the page. Before you know it, you are reading Robert Burns' A Red Red Rose and instead of the original verses, a strange collection of the event of the day seems to be lurking between the lines, as if the chief executive of one of the investment banks were himself reading these verses and narrating his view of the world through this beautiful medium.

O my firm is like a pot of gold,
With plenty of cash to spare;
A lawsuit here, a settlement there,
The balance sheet has more to spare.
Those multi -million settlements,
Are peanuts for the house of Merill;
Lose one or two, you lose a few,
But eight billion is cause for peril.
Our balance sheet was hit real bad,
Our investor’s confidence was shaken;
But such is the strength of the Merill name,
And my options were still there to be taken.
Farewell my underling, farewell!
For I will certainly do!
I’m off to retire with my $160 mil,
And wish the best of luck to you.