Harry Potter and the Deadly Hours

Monday, July 23, 2007

Harry Potter and the Deadly Hours

Two investment bankers meet in front of the lobby of the firm in the dark of night. Not a sound is made, and in an instant, like cowboys in the Wild West, they whip out their blackberries, pointing them at eachothers’ chests. In a few moments. They recognize eachother and make their way quietly into the lobby of the firm.

As they approach the elevators, the doors open, and a managing analyst comes out of the doors. He is wearing thick rim glasses and has straight black hair, dropping over his forehead. His hair conceals a good part of his forehead, probably for the better, hiding from the casual observes the scars of a frustrated childhood that have through time made their mark – for this is, truly an investment banker. His name is Harry.

As Harry emerges from the shadows of the elevator, he is followed by two more bankers. The first is a jolly ginger haired young man, who would have been called Dufus has his name not been Ronald (“Ron”). Ron seems to be oblivious to the fact that it is 3am and that the trio is going out for some fresh air before continuing with some value added excel “magic”.

The third character to emerge from the lift is a brown haired girl, who in one hand has her blackberry, and in the other a handful of computer printouts from her magic excel model. She has obviously chosen to sue the fresh air break to continue working. To those who know her, her name is Hermione, but for most of the firm, she is “that chick in IBD”.

It is so that this group of excel wizard walk out into the fresh air. As they sit under the moonlight, the continue to zap magical spells into their blackberries, sending email commands to the lesser wizards that are still upstairs in the office working.

They take a moment to observe their surroundings and suddenly, they all turn still at the sight of shadows moving across the street. They see a light flicker in the distance – must be a cigarette being lit by the followers of the house whose name on must dare not speak.

Harry is well aware of the grave dangers that the firm and all its excel monkey wizards face in the wake of the house of Goldimord as he readies his blackberry for battle.


Mantas said...

Monkey, you have outdone yourself! This is hilarious! :D If only coz I'm dying of waiting for my copy of HP to arrive by post any day now :P

Investment Banking Monkey said...

Why thank you mantas. May you enjoy your book and may the evil forces of Volderexcel not get in the way of your reading :)

Anonymous said...

Dude - far too much time on your hands...

Investment Banking Monkey said...

This is needed practice for improving one's BPM (bullshit per minute) count, which in turn is essential for any ibanker, so in reality, the allnighter is developing a key i-banking skillset :)