Where will this investment banker be in ten years' time?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Where will this investment banker be in ten years' time?

So, the jury is out. You’ve been running around the bank, asking everyone where they thought you would be in ten years’ time. A great strategy, you thought to yourself, given the fact that you don’t have a clue as to what you will be doing and who you will be doing it for. After all, investment bankers are the some of the (self proclaimed) best brains around - the best and brightest – the world’s leading corporations jump at the opportunities and ideas the investment banking world throws at them, so why not leverage these great minds and let them decide your future for you. After having asked hundreds of keen intellects (well, 422 to be precise) about where you will be in ten years’ time, the results are rather puzzling, if not a little unsettling. Topping the list, one hundred and sixty four of them thought you would end up in a mental institution, ninety two said private equity, sixty four said you would make MD at the firm, fifty seven said you’d end up in a hedge fund (and hopefully one that doesn’t fold) and a generous forty five thought you would be retired.

Hmmm. The majority think mental institution eh? Well, the majority in 2000 also thought the boom bust cycle was a thing of the past. The majority also never saw Long Term Capital Management folding. Grateful as you are for everyone’s contribution, you take comfort in the street’s unprecedented ability and track record in getting things wrong and dismiss the mental institution idea.

24 comments:

DeOnion said...

At the risk of being accused of mistaking "contrarian" for "stupid" I'm going to venture a guess that you'll be a wildlife photographer in Botswana.

Italian Analyst said...

You got it man!
But consider also the possibility of being arrested for a finacial fraud.

Let me offer you my congratulations...Your blog is awesome!

Investment Banking Monkey said...

Monkey's happy to make fellow analysts happy. Grazie tanto italian analyst.

Anonymous said...

What about fat forty and f*cked?

More realistic than a mental institution and less dramatic!

Ms Robinson said...

Umm divorced and paying out loads of money to a brainless,trophy wife.

Asian analyst said...

I really enjoyed your blog and in fact i login to your page daily to see updates! Keep up the work..
By the way, i was wondering, which department are you in?

fellow analyst said...

commenting on Ms Robinson's comment; when you said "trophy wife" were you refering to yourself?

another fellow analyst said...

that's funny my "fellow analyst". lol

Ms Robinson said...

Ha ha,(honestly if that was your idea of wit you need help) hon I'm completely self supporting, always have been. In my experience those women who take the chequebook give up quite a lot. Far better to keep your independence. I have eaten investment bankers for breakfast but lost my appetite with the hedge fund manager who was so dull in bed. Now I stick to creative types. At least they are funny and clever.

However I have noticed the propensity of bankers, even intelligent ones (the one or two) to marry anodyne blondes and then complain, "god, she's so stupid. You make your bed...

Ms Robinson said...

Ps: Referring is spelt with an extra 'r'.

Are you that bad at detail at work?

NY analyst said...

>> ms robinson >>

what do you mean by "even intelligent ones". you should meet my analyst call - most of the guys could ahve done anything they wanted and been the ebst of the best and they chose banking. if that's not intelligence, i don't know what it? it's more the fact that being surrounded by such sharp people makes them all seem average, but take one step outside an investment bank and you start feeling the difference.

Anonymous said...

I found you through the finance network blogs, they seem to have liked your post! great question, great replies

Silver Surfer said...

I would like to know more about how to maintain a healthy relationship with an i-banker, and how to deal with the hardships of your loved one when he's working 100+ hours a week.

The only i-bankers I currently know that can balance both work and family are coke addicts.

Anonymous said...

are you ever going to post again? no post for a long time

Rohit Agarwal said...

this might seem a bit off-the-topic but some aspiring-to-be-monkeys often wonder about the impact of being a monkey on the prospects of obtaining a good female companionship for the monkeys... i would be glad if you could throw some light on it...

CanadianFinance said...

Monkey, where are you?!? They literally got you chained to the desk now?

Silver surfer, the lesson is not to date an ibanker b/c you don't see them. Go for PE instead.

Anonymous said...

what happen to the blogs? post more of them man!

Donald Mckenzie Jr said...

This is a great post. It made me actually think about where I see myself in 10 years time.

Anonymous said...

long time no posts ....

Anonymous said...

what's going on? nothing new for 2 months!

Italian Analyst said...

Hey buddy?
We need our favourite blog in order to fill the gaps during the f***** all nighters!
Hope everything is ok!

Rohit Agarwal said...

whr the hell r u?

Anonymous said...

Is this blog dead?

Anonymous said...

Is there a conspiracy on Wall St.? I just heard of two firms besides ML conducting random drug tests of their current Analysts. What's going on? Do they want all the clubs in New Jack City to close or what?