…and Some More Investment Banking Summer Internship Donts

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

…and Some More Investment Banking Summer Internship Donts

Don’t diss the competition:
Many a smartass summer intern (see “Don’t be a Smartass”) try to impress their loyalty to their chosen firm by putting down the competition. Don’t. You never know whether your analyst who thinks quite highly of you is waiting for his bonus before moving to shitty, Goldmen or Moron Stanley. Don’t ruin your chances of getting a call to move once they jump ship just because you dissed the competition.

Don’t aim too high:
An anonymous banker highlighted that you shouldn’t suck up to your MD or VP. Correct. You should aim lower, and suck up to your analyst, because it’s their job to suck up to the associate, whose job it is to suck up to the VP and so on. Don’t forget the hierarchy.

Don’t forget you’re there to support:
And that means support. Carry an extra tie with you, just in case your analyst get called to a meeting and the chino wearing shit needs one. Make sure you’re the same build as your analyst, so he can also borrow your suit if he needs one (if you’re more buff than said analyst, stop going to the gym – this will give you added points as you will soon lose your athletic build and become less intimidating to your analyst). Always carry shoe polish, in case said analyst’s shoes need a shine. Forget your blackberry holster – what you need is a coffee cup holder for more than four cups – this way, you’ll need only make a single trip to Starbucks each morning when you bring your team coffee.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Some interesting points there, now how do we shine out from the rest?

Investment Banking Monkey said...

lets face it. nothing you will read on this blog will make you shine out from the rest, because the rest will have read it too, make sure not to be left behind :)

Rikitikitavi said...

^ yes, have the other monkeys spend time here so you get the most work done and stand out! Ah, how beautiful are the Machiavellian machinations of your mind sir (or madam, as thecase may be)!

Nauti said...

read your blog for the first time. awesome! on a diff note, do u think monkeys on the trading floor got a better deal..

Investment Banking Monkey said...

@ Nauti: Thanks.

A typical junior banker will say that of course a trader didn't get the betetr deal. Come on, they wake up when its still dark, they don't get to make headlines and shape the futures of corporate America, England, Europe or wherever and they are far more likely to suffer from erratic moving eyeball syndrome from being glued to 12 constantly flashign screens which they need to monitor.

Ask the same banker five years later, when they have lost all preconceptions about being a master of the universe, and you will hear the recognition that despite getting up when its still dark, they do get to go home when its light (and not because they're leaving the office at dawn after pulling an all nighter).

Also, the 12 blinking screens are usually coupled with a Lambo or a Ferrari parked outside, so in that light, they don't sound so bad.

Also, you just need to look at the price of Trader Magazine - £10! £10!!! Last time I checked, Financial News is going for a third of that.

So there's some food for thought:)