Wear a striped tie. Do also make sure that the stripes slope upwards. This is a bull market we’re talking about. None of that downward sloping off the rack limp ass shit.
Come in with a stubble after you’ve pulled your second all nighter in a row. Also, make sure that you don’t shower. This is the only way anyone other than the punk ass analyst who made you pull the all nighters in the first place (and got credit for your work) will notice that you haven’t slept and showered. Get noticed by a VP or above – just because you can’t be of use to these guys doesn’t mean you can’t try to get their sympathy.
Remember that you have not been hired for your ability to do mental arithmetic. If you need to calculate something, use excel. That’s what it’s there for. If you want to be a banker then start acting like a banker. Bankers can’t do maths. If they could, they would have been rocket scientists. 2 + 2 = EXCEL! For those moments you will not be at your computer, keep your trusted HP17B calculator handy.
Do impress your analyst, associate and MD by your ability to down tequila shots. You have a serious competitive advantage here. You’ve been practicing at university whilst they’ve been doing deals late at night, so you will outdrink them. This will remind them of the days when they went out with mates at university. You will thus remind them of the fact that they had a life before banking, and this will make them happy. So, drink like a true student, and you will be in your team’s good books.